Becky: This is a boring ten seconds..
yatpay: How impatient can you get?

(Via text message)
yatpay: I'm getting my new glasses today. Think you'll be able to recognize me?
Bryce: depends
Bryce: Are you offering me a get out of knowing you free card?

Dave: In Soviet Russia, the car doesn't drive you.. what do they say??

[18:06:32] <mom> dont drink [vanilla extract] straight!!
[18:06:32] <yatpay> the GOOD ice cream
[18:06:37] <yatpay> lol, but it smells so good
[18:06:40] <yatpay> what could go wrong? =P
[18:06:53] <mom> you could turn into a homeless alchy
[18:07:06] <yatpay> those are some pretty dire consequences
[18:07:12] <mom> LOL

[18:35:32] <yatpay> i bought some vanilla extract today
[18:35:33] <yatpay> just to smell it
[18:35:51] <vicbond> I once killed a man in Reno
[18:35:54] <vicbond> just to watch him die
[18:35:58] <yatpay> and then smell him?
[18:36:09] <vicbond> no
[18:36:13] <vicbond> what the fuck is wrong with you

[12:37:29] <sierra_work> well, it's not NWN if that's what you're looking for, but it's... peculair
[12:37:54] <yatpay> is that where the weird things live? the peculair?
[12:38:08] <sierra_work> funny
[12:38:12] <yatpay> i try

(Via text message)
yatpay: in this month's "pizza today" the featured article is "Slice of Heaven - Pizza by the slice is a customer favorite"
Bryce: Haha I see good to know, after all I own a pizza establishment
yatpay: lol, is it called DiGiornos?
Bryce: No big bryce's pizza palace...ya chump
Bryce: The ya chump is part of the title

yatpay: (Shouting at the game S.T.A.L.K.E.R.) OK, scary green thing in the sky, I have wandered into your part of town and it's time for us to.. meet!
Tony: That's what the native americans used to say to the moon.

Tony: I never really bothered learning HTML because it's... so easy to.. copy and paste.

[12:28:00] <Topaz> $jokes{programming}{humor_level} > $jokes{typical}{humor_level}

[10:00:42] <+xMine> so when i close this irc window, will trillian hold the connection?
[10:01:51] <+yatpay> close it and find out
[10:01:56] -!- xMine [xMine@eywa.ngahu] has left #Na'vi []
[10:01:58] <+yatpay> nope

(Look at the timestamps)
[12:34:11] <Topaz> happy 1234
[12:34:14] <yatpay> lol
[12:34:17] <yatpay> wait a few seconds...
[12:34:23] <Topaz> ooh yeha
[12:34:56] <Topaz> 123456!
[12:34:56] <yatpay> happy 123456
[12:34:59] <yatpay> lmfao!
[12:35:12] <Topaz> lol

Latrisse: So what's new?
yatpay: Kaltxì!
Latrisse: OK, you have crossed a line. I will write it, I will not speak it, and I can no longer be your friend.

(Via text message)
Bryce: Hey freak of nature
yatpay: kaltxì?
Bryce: What?
yatpay: lol, i figured i might as well roll with the "freak" thing and respond in na'vi
Bryce: I knew it!!!!!!!!!!

(Via text message)
yatpay: tony says the voice actor of meowth died 2 years ago
Bryce: ...I just realized I should have been way more depressed for the past two year

(Via text message. If you don't get it, watch Wizard People)
Brett: i have to read through a fucking 105 page long legal document to make an abstract. fml
yatpay: legal document and the sorcerer's stone. a pdf. chapter one. the ominous font makes the paper even more hoary and mysterious than usual, here in brett's cubicle
Brett: boooooo

[21:36:35] <yatpay> i need more yams
[21:36:45] <Topaz> YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL YAMS

[18:11:41] <yatpay> lol, my cat is so tenacious.. he jumps in my lap, i put him on the floor, repeat 100 times
[18:12:56] <clarkjames> cover your lap with spikes
[18:13:01] <yatpay> that's the way
[18:13:04] <clarkjames> or acid
[18:13:11] <yatpay> cats today don't know the dangers of acid or lava
[18:13:20] <clarkjames> but where acid-proof pants first, obv
[18:13:26] <yatpay> well that just goes without saying

[17:01:20] <yatpay> lol, i should see if i can get new glasses in time [to see Avatar]
[17:02:14] <nugget> like eye glasses or 3d glasses?
[17:02:23] <yatpay> eye glasses. i think i need a new prescription
[17:02:26] <yatpay> and they're all taped together
[17:02:33] <nugget> you should just get prescription 3d glasses
[17:02:40] <yatpay> that'd be convenient

(Via text message)
yatpay: NASA's selling space shuttles. $36 million, $6 million shipping and handling
Brett: wanna go halfsies on the Discovery space shuttle with me?
yatpay: smithsonian already got discovery. how about endeavour, the newest one
Brett: sounds awesome. on a totally unrelated note, could you spot me 21 million dollars?

Bryce: When I die, I want you to spread my ashes in a Moe's burrito.. and eat it.
yatpay: I don't even like Moe's burritos!

Bryce: I can't tell if I'm hungry or nauseous

(After returning from winter vacation)
Jerry: I wish break was.. again.

yatpay: Who the hell clicks on [internet] ads??
Yatpay's Mom: I didn't even know you could click them!

Becky: I just kind of have a headache now..
yatpay: Why?
Becky: I don't know..
yatpay: Is it cerebral edema? Cause that's serious.
Becky: I don't know but you're kind of adding to it.

[00:52:20] <james_sfne> lol... im IN the hottub
[00:53:16] <yatpay> with your laptop? or phone?
[00:53:28] <james_sfne> laPTOP

Becky: I love blind people! They're so much better than real people!

[15:01:54] <yatpay> were you born on christmas?
[15:01:58] <nugget> yes
[15:01:59] <yatpay> lol, bummer
[15:02:53] <nugget> but I assure you my birthday will one day overshadow christ's, he just has a 2000 year head start on me

[15:12:05] <jerry> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tK9myqHOMfE -
[15:12:15] <yatpay> where'd that hyphen come from
[15:12:47] <jerry> i was gonna type something, then changed my mind
[15:12:51] <yatpay> can i keep it?
[15:13:11] <jerry> the hyphen? no i want it back
[15:13:15] <yatpay> :( alright. -

[23:38:21] <sierra> I barely take my fingers up off the kyeus in order to slide them to the next ones
[23:38:23] <sierra> fuck it

(On his blog)
Mike: as I went to dispense some body soap onto my humble loofah, the soap squirted in an outrageous trajectory, right into my eyes, as if god himself had decided to ejaculate on my face.

(I got an email from Dr. Phil's producer that they wanted to use a video of my cats on Dr. Phil's blog. This exchange was via text message)
Brett: your going to be on Dr. Phil?
yatpay: I'm sorry I don't understand the question
Brett: you're going to be on Dr. Phil, fuckface?

[11:25:33] <yatpay> i don't understand mailing lists at all
[11:25:46] <Topaz> they're relics of the past
[11:25:59] <yatpay> they're relics of your face
[11:26:18] <yatpay> lol, it usually takes people a while to realize that there is absolutely zero meaning in my "your face" statements
[11:26:38] <Topaz> it usually takes people a while to realize that there is actually zero meaning in your face

[15:29:23] <yatpay> get a g1! :D
[15:29:26] <yatpay> you're already on t-mobile
[15:29:36] <mel> Does it cost a buttload?
[15:29:44] <yatpay> $200
[15:29:58] <mel> A day?

Brett: I'm starting to fear I am secretly mentally challenged but no one ever told me, and that is why I haven't done anything mentally demanding at any of my jobs.

[09:52:12] <yatpay> bryce and i got snuggies and everyone is making fun of us
[09:53:01] <mel> Hahahahahahaha
[09:53:08] <mel> I am too.

(Via text message)
Bryce: Wheeled Warriors is so topical
yatpay: is it?
Bryce: No

Gragra: I'm 83 years old, I'm not about to start having fun now!

Bryce: Who wants to go to the vending machine with me?
McKeed: Eh, I'll go. I've got a bunch of change.
Bryce: Good. I've got a quarter.

[21:30:02] <yatpay> my nose is bleeding! :O
[21:30:09] <tony> :O
[21:30:13] <yatpay> :O
[21:30:38] <tony> :O - - - - - - [21:32:48] <yatpay> MY NOSE???

[19:20:19] <yatpay> buzz has this ridiculous behavior that i call "forced cuddling"
[19:20:26] <yatpay> he will just not take no for an answer
[19:20:33] <yatpay> as he forced you to pet him while he rolls around on your lap
[19:20:36] <sierra> no, that's called "cat"

[14:25:45] <mel> So how bad is this
[14:25:52] <mel> I have pokemon on my ds
[14:26:02] <mel> And I really wanted to do a trade evolve
[14:26:04] <yatpay> and you are 23
[14:26:13] <mel> So I traded with one of the kindergarteners
[14:26:20] <mel> And I am 23
[14:26:20] <yatpay> LMAO!!
[14:26:29] <mel> WITH A SWEET ASS GENGAR

[22:02:44] <muffie> so what's going on in your world?
[22:03:09] <yatpay> i just decided today that i'm not going to apply to jet
[22:03:38] <muffie> no? well that's a shame
TWO MINUTES OF CONVERSATION ABOUT JET LATER
[22:05:40] <muffie> OH btw
[22:05:44] <muffie> no idea what "jet" is

(Via text)
Brett: Let's play a drinking game; every time brett gets fired, take a shot.
Brett: Shots!!!
yatpay: really????
Brett: Yeah

[20:00:50] <nugget> my brain is so logical sometimes I wish I could just live as normal humans do

[23:24:15] <yatpay> every time i see a sunset i look around to see if you're leaning against a tree in a protoman costume
[23:24:46] <tony> I'm probably just on a different tree.

Bryce: I will be over on the later side tonight, so hide the cats cause I am looking for blood

yatpay: I had to cover a game at Baldwin.. there were two teams. A pink team and a white team. The pink team was the Pink Panthers.. which is already pretty bad. But the white team was... the White Panthers.
Bryce: They should've been.. the White Supremacists.

[20:22:51] <yatpay> typical conversation between me and the cats:
[20:22:59] <yatpay> =^O_O^=
[20:23:02] <yatpay> what the fuck are you eating??
[20:23:03] <yatpay> =^O_O^=
[20:24:11] <Topaz> an instant classic

(Via text message)
Brett: The problem with working out in the morning is that you have to take super-dumps for the rest of the day
yatpay: you're on the toilet right now aren't you
Brett: ;-D

James: So, I had to figure out how I was going to move my cactus [to my new apartment] and I decided that putting it in the cup holder would be a good idea.. but then I was afraid I'd accidentally try to drink it, so I put it in the back.

(Finding a TF2 server)
Bryce: I find a for real server! This server is for real! But this guy looks like a ghost so I don't know how I feel about that..

(Via SMS)
yatpay: Hey, I put your Daily Draw picture up on my office wall
Tony: Haha. I'm officially famous

[15:59:37] <yatpay> sad news.. captain lou is dead :(
[16:00:03] <yatpay> now he's doing the mario.. in heaven!
[16:00:08] <brandon> yeah
[16:00:17] <brandon> captain lou was probably suppose to die in the 80s
[16:00:26] <brandon> he was here on borrowed time
[16:01:26] <yatpay> hahaha, how many children died to balance out hte universe and keep captain lou alive??
[16:02:48] <brandon> many
[16:03:06] <brandon> most of them dying from epileptic seizures while playing nintendo or watching his tv show
[16:08:03] <yatpay> lmao
[16:08:25] <brandon> he's kind of like a vampire

(Talking via text message)
Brett: My job ends friday :/
yatpay: whoa, this day keeps getting worse and worse
Brett: My job ends today

(I'm reading a list of random facts)
yatpay: Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
Bryce: Ugh!! ....total? Or on each foot?

[17:18:06] <yatpay> ok, time for more S.T.A.L.K.E.R.
[17:19:41] <vicbond> That's a creepy way to end a conversation
[17:20:25] <vicbond> brb P.e.e.p.i.n.g. T.o.m.

[20:03:40] <lone_beaver> i think the key to metal gear solid is to bring a book

(Neil and Buzz are my kittens)
[17:56:36] <yatpay> buzz totally fucking flipped out earlier
[17:56:39] <yatpay> i'm not sure what the deal was
[17:56:39] <lone_beaver> i doubt it
[17:56:44] <yatpay> i can't tell if they were fighting or not
[17:56:45] <lone_beaver> just out of nowhere?
[17:56:49] <yatpay> because by the time i looked neil was across the room
[17:56:53] <yatpay> and i don't know if he ran there or was already there
[17:56:59] <yatpay> but buzz was just like "YOWWWLLLL!!!"
[17:57:05] <yatpay> and i thought i had crushed him with my chair or something
[17:57:13] <yatpay> but he seems alright so whatever, lol
[17:57:17] <lone_beaver> he's fine
[17:57:20] <lone_beaver> cats just do that sometimes
[17:57:39] <lone_beaver> like little furry hunter s. thompsons

[20:50:27] <vicbond> Bryce's mind is the Pet Cemetary of In-Jokes.

yatpay: Dad, when are you getting hearing aids?
yatpay's Dad: These army socks worked out really well!

(Sierra is deaf)
[22:22:29] <yatpay> good artists borrow, great artists steal =P
[22:22:39] <sierra> yup
[22:22:45] <sierra> in that case, I'm fucking van gogh
[22:22:49] <yatpay> lol
[22:23:05] <yatpay> lol, there's a deaf joke in there somewhere
[22:23:38] <sierra> yep
[22:23:43] <sierra> that and he's batshit

Bryce: Are you going to start a kitty farm? I think you should.
yatpay: With my two male cats?
Bryce: Ah! I believe Jurassic Park taught us that life will find a way!

[19:20:06] <lone_beaver> so the other day
[19:20:09] <lone_beaver> i was in the car with rosie
[19:20:24] <lone_beaver> and i asked her, "what was your favorite scene in the movie SPEED?"
[19:20:28] <lone_beaver> and you know what she says to me?
[19:20:38] <lone_beaver> "i have never seen Speed"
[19:21:32] <lone_beaver> and then our velocity dropped below 50 mph, and the bus exploded

[11:53:16] <nugget> ripley was supposed to be half alien in resurrection
[11:53:24] <nugget> which is why she had acid for blood and was good at basketball
[11:53:27] <nugget> just like the aliens

yatpay: lol, mom's hobby is not responding to me on AIM
Becky: Mine too!

[01:15:01] <yatpay> you know what would rule?
[01:15:11] <yatpay> house arrest
[01:15:17] <tony> Hahahaha

Bryce's Mom: What are you doing up?
Bryce: I dunno, mom. It's 10:15 on a Friday night, am I that lame in your mind?

Bryce: JP guess what comes out this Monday!
yatpay: ...
Bryce: Jelly Belly: Ballistic Beans!
Brett: What's that?
Bryce: Brett, who cares!?

[09:09:41] <mel> Je voudrais du laveuax dans le douche!
[09:09:57] <yatpay> you love dan's douche?
[09:10:25] <mel> Its an uncomfortable topic for me...

Bryce: You know that game I was telling you about when I was dominating?
yatpay: Yeah..
Bryce: Turns out they were bots.

[19:56:24] <yatpay> well.. it took me almost 25 hours.. but the first minute of my amv is done
[20:24:18] <vicbond> quit rushing

[19:58:04] <brandon> yeah takeout is bad news
[19:58:31] <brandon> it's like having a pizza hand fed to you while you fart all over your bed and stink the place up
[19:58:38] <yatpay> hahaha
[19:58:40] <yatpay> ah, good times

(Via SMS)
Bryce: I got burps on the brain
yatpay: What, a cerebral embolism?

(I was listening to the Apollo 11 transmissions in realtime, 40 years late)
[11:33:04] <yatpay> haha, oh no, there's a real spacewalk going on right now
[11:33:07] <yatpay> now i have to watch both
[11:33:36] <jabberwok> or you could just wait 40 years to watch today's spacewalk

(Before entering the Safari at Six Flags Great Adventure)
Brett: Now, are the monkeys going to unbuckle my seatbelt and take me?