Mr. Reilly: Put the tetris away or I will crush it!

[16:50:57] <tony> Sword camp tomorrrow
[16:51:55] <tony> Right after a job interview
[16:52:06] <tony> Interview = Suit
[16:52:06] <tony> Camp = Sword
[16:52:12] <tony> DO NOT LET ME MIX THOSE UP

(Via text message)
Bryce: Oh I am so torn if I wanna work a lot extra
yatpay: here's a compromise. work extra, but give me the extra money so i can buy another lens
Bryce: !!!! It is a win win for me

[00:31:59] <vicbond> Any job that makes me come into work at midnight better involve a blowjob, and I sure as hell better be on the good end of that deal!

(After getting a speeding ticket)
Jamie: Are you ready to get so drunk we can't feel feelings?

[13:52:06] <yatpay> [13:51:04] <jefferson> Why am I singing Olivia Newton-John to myself?
[13:52:06] <yatpay> [13:51:16] <yatpay> good.. question?
[13:52:38] <vicbond> Every IM I've EVER gotten from Jefferson, has been both awkward, and immediately ignored.
[13:52:45] <yatpay> hahahahaha

[15:10:14] <yatpay> uhoh. the new camera's flash pops up automatically. i can see it now.. i ask a cosplayer for a picture, frame the shot, press the shutter halfway.. the flash pops up in my face and i shriek and drop the camera
[15:10:36] <nugget> that's how they get you to keep coming back

[15:02:12] <yatpay> whatever you do, don't play [the Metal Gear Solid seqels] before [Metal Gear Solid 1]
[15:03:32] <vicbond> no
[15:03:36] <vicbond> I'm playing them backwards
[15:03:39] <vicbond> So it's like Memento
[15:03:41] <yatpay> lol, nooooooooooo

(Via text message)
yatpay: did i tell you that my sister is balancing airplanes at work now?
Brett: like a seal?

Bryce: NANA is one of those series that fascinates me cause I'm never going to watch it and yet.. there it is!

(Sam is the chatbot at work)
(11:07:04) mcreenan: sam, what are todays soups?
(11:07:34) sam: [waterline] mcreenan: 500 read timeout
(11:07:39) ewastl: my favorite!

[12:17:01] <mel>: It's so much easier for me to do my job when nobody cares what happens to the kids

[16:00:05] <yatpay> did you get your free slurpee on sunday?
[16:00:18] <mel> ......no!?!?!
[16:00:22] <yatpay> it was 7/11
[16:00:26] <yatpay> so they give out free slurpees
[16:00:29] <mel> SON OF A BITCH
[16:00:31] <mel> I had no idea.

yatpay: Brett, if you had to sum up your [New Mexico, California, and Las Vegas] vacation in three words, what would they be?
Brett: Hmm.... "only person drinking"

(Via text message)
Bryce: I want someone to make a game called knights of cydonia
yatpay: x-com ends on cydonia
Bryce: It very true
Bryce: Haha
Bryce: I was basically thinking a god of war like game with muse music
Bryce: But it takes place over the course of history
yatpay: haha, what does that have to do with cydonia?
Bryce: I dunno, muse...
Bryce: No wait
Bryce: "we're not prepared to talk about that right now, we will have more announcements at Tokyo game show"
yatpay: haha, I'll hold you to that
Bryce: Well this game will continue our partnership with EA Sports. They want to expand their portfolio, so Talon helped bring falconry, and knights of cydonia will be the first EA Sports game featuring time traveling warriors
Bryce: Well first game since madden 95
yatpay: lmfao, WHAT??

[13:48:35] <yatpay> did jamie hide [the engagement ring] in a sub that bailey brought home?
[13:48:46] <mel> That would have been hilarious
[13:48:59] <yatpay> "mommy, why is your tooth broken?" "well....."
[13:49:49] <mel> A delicious sandwich ruined my life
[13:49:54] <yatpay> hahaha
[13:50:02] <mel> Its also how I perforated my colon
[13:50:07] <yatpay> lmao

yatpay: Bryce, you sure have been giddy the last couple of days.
Bryce: Well, I just got engaged!
yatpay: Yeah I know.. but I'd go so far as to say.. ebullient?
Bryce: Sure. OK. Whatever. I'm not even going to ask what it means, I'm not going to use it.

(Via text message)
Brett: omg, i just cut up a jalapeno pepper to put on an omelet, immediately forgot about it, and rubbed my eye
yatpay: you are 100% idiots
Brett: i want to dieeee!

[13:51:39] <tony> Oh man. I just ate a mixture of yogurt and protein powder in an ill-conceived ratio.
[13:51:59] <tony> When you were little, did you ever mix sand and strawberry Quick and eat it?
[13:52:06] <tony> Me either. But now I know what could have been.

yatpay: I've got an uncle that kind of looks like Dr. Wily. But he's a guitar player, not a robot master.
Clark James: Guitars are sort of like robots. ...nah. They're not.

yatpay: You know what's scary? Back to the Future 2 takes place in 5 years.
Clark James: You know what's scary? Skynet became self aware like 13 years ago.
Bryce: You know what's scary? New York becomes an island prison in 1999.

Clark James: Oh, that's Brett's laundry?
yatpay: Yep.
Clark James: Is it clean?
yatpay: Yeah..
Clark James: Let's wear it!

Brett: Hey Neil, can you get that for me?
yatpay: That's Buzz.
Brett: Hey Neil, can you be Buzz for me?

Dave: Ever seen "I Love You, Man"?
JP: Nope
Dave: Oh yeah, of course you haven't, it's not made in Japan.

[23:47:49] <Topaz> i don't always watch tv, but when i do, i watch dos equis commercials

[13:47:45] <mel> I threw up on a kid!
[13:48:00] <mel> Best. Day. Ever.

Tony: Rice doesn't tell me when I can eat, I tell rice when it's inside me!

(James found a snail and texted me a picture)
James: I named it Apple Bottom.. Because it's an Apple Snail... and a Bottom Feeder.. And the name gives him street cred

Tony: Do you have a microwave?
yatpay: Yeah, it's that thing that looks like a breadmaker.
Tony: Oh.. well, that ruins my evening plans of making bread.

Jeremiah: Racism is funny.

(For The Daily Draw topic "How did you get here?" I submitted this drawing)
yatpay: Like my drawing?
Carol: "How did you get here.." is that how you got here? Aliens?
yatpay: No, that's an astronaut, and that's the Soviet flag
Carol: Is there really a Soviet flag on the moon??
yatpay: I will strangle you in your sleep.

Jerry: Who's the creepy dude looking into my office?
Dave: What's he staring at?
Jerry: Should I see what he wants?
Dave: Nah.
Jerry: Oh... it's my dad...

[01:27 PM] VicBond: The 300 miles between Philly and Pittsburgh are all corn fields.
[01:27 PM] Vlad P: you can edit while you drive
[01:29 PM] VicBond: Yo dawg, we heard you liked accidents so we put Premiere in your steering wheel so you can crash while you crash!

yatpay: Is [that laptop] new or a refurb?
Dave: Everything on Woot.com is a refurb.
yatpay: No way, that's why they have a status, "new" or "refurb"
[Name removed]: Ohhh, refurb.. I thought you said "reefer" and I was like "yeahhhh"

[22:50:04] <tony> Also, please check on Brett for me. If he doesn't have The Passing downloaded I will murder him tomorrow.
[22:50:09] <tony> Murder with fire and sand.
[22:50:17] <tony> So his stomach is full of burny glass.
[22:50:22] <yatpay> brett is in germany
[22:50:27] <tony> fffffffffffff

[03:42 PM] VicBond007: I didn't think grass grew in the South. I though you grew old cars.
[03:42 PM] amanda: we had 3 acre's of land!!
[03:42 PM] VicBond007: So you had a dealership.

Jerry: [Name removed] is such a douchebag.
Dave: Did you say he's a chick magnet?
Jerry: ..I said he's a douchebag!

[11:25:22] <yatpay> are you a fan of minecraft?
[11:25:47] <vicbond> no, I learned my lesson. I stay away from anything with "craft" in the name.

[23:42:26] <yatpay> i actually went to the anime boston dance this year
[23:42:30] <yatpay> the earplugs helped
[23:42:40] <yatpay> once you got use to the smell it was pretty sweet since it was all cool nerdy music
[23:42:48] <yatpay> where else are you going to hear a remix of the katamari theme at 130 decibels?
[23:43:37] <mel> My house
[23:44:07] <yatpay> hahaha

yatpay's Dad: Want a blueberry?
yatpay: Those aren't blueberries!
yatpay's Dad: Er, want a blackberry? Ever had a blackberry?
yatpay: Yes, I have.
yatpay's Dad: Good. Then you don't get any.

[11:28:40] <tony> My crazy tuesday schedule lets me go home for a huge chunk of the day.
[11:28:50] <tony> So I'm chilling in bed with Kodachi and some assignments.
[11:28:52] <yatpay> got some good html/perl questions for tonight?
[11:29:05] <yatpay> lol, at first i thought kodachi was your sword and you were like.. snuggling
[11:29:19] <yatpay> and i was gonna say "be careful"
[11:29:20] <tony> Haha. It does mean short sword, after all.
[11:29:24] <yatpay> yeah
[11:29:24] <yatpay> haha
[11:29:42] <tony> And I totally have snuggled with my sword.
[11:29:46] <yatpay> hahaha
[11:30:16] <tony> Anytime in a movie where you see a samurai-ish figure sleeping, holding his sword? It's not alertness. They're
snuggling.
[11:30:27] <yatpay> haha, now i know
[11:30:38] <tony> And knowing is half of snuggling.
[11:32:34] <yatpay> >_>

yatpay: [Link to bike trails in Valley Forge on Google Maps]
[20:48:00] <yatpay> thanks google :D
[20:48:10] <Topaz> thoogle

[11:44:09] <yatpay> [Link to a picture of a device that helps prevent sleep apnea]
[11:44:12] <yatpay> i'll look cool with that on
[11:44:29] <mel> Can you mod it to look like a facehugger?
[11:44:33] <yatpay> HAHAHAHA
[11:44:42] <yatpay> yes
[11:44:45] <yatpay> that's what i'll have to do
[11:44:52] <mel> Do so. Immediately.

(Alicia and Bryce are debating about whose fault it is that they stopped going to the gym)
yatpay: You can go to the gym by yourself, you know.
Bryce: No, I can't! .....I don't know where it is!!

(Via text message)
yatpay: I'm getting my new glasses today. Think you'll be able to recognize me?
Bryce: depends
Bryce: Are you offering me a get out of knowing you free card?

Dave: In Soviet Russia, the car doesn't drive you.. what do they say??

[18:06:32] <mom> dont drink [vanilla extract] straight!!
[18:06:32] <yatpay> the GOOD ice cream
[18:06:37] <yatpay> lol, but it smells so good
[18:06:40] <yatpay> what could go wrong? =P
[18:06:53] <mom> you could turn into a homeless alchy
[18:07:06] <yatpay> those are some pretty dire consequences
[18:07:12] <mom> LOL

[18:35:32] <yatpay> i bought some vanilla extract today
[18:35:33] <yatpay> just to smell it
[18:35:51] <vicbond> I once killed a man in Reno
[18:35:54] <vicbond> just to watch him die
[18:35:58] <yatpay> and then smell him?
[18:36:09] <vicbond> no
[18:36:13] <vicbond> what the fuck is wrong with you

[12:37:29] <sierra_work> well, it's not NWN if that's what you're looking for, but it's... peculair
[12:37:54] <yatpay> is that where the weird things live? the peculair?
[12:38:08] <sierra_work> funny
[12:38:12] <yatpay> i try

(Via text message)
yatpay: in this month's "pizza today" the featured article is "Slice of Heaven - Pizza by the slice is a customer favorite"
Bryce: Haha I see good to know, after all I own a pizza establishment
yatpay: lol, is it called DiGiornos?
Bryce: No big bryce's pizza palace...ya chump
Bryce: The ya chump is part of the title

yatpay: (Shouting at the game S.T.A.L.K.E.R.) OK, scary green thing in the sky, I have wandered into your part of town and it's time for us to.. meet!
Tony: That's what the native americans used to say to the moon.

Tony: I never really bothered learning HTML because it's... so easy to.. copy and paste.

[12:28:00] <Topaz> $jokes{programming}{humor_level} > $jokes{typical}{humor_level}

[10:00:42] <+xMine> so when i close this irc window, will trillian hold the connection?
[10:01:51] <+yatpay> close it and find out
[10:01:56] -!- xMine [xMine@eywa.ngahu] has left #Na'vi []
[10:01:58] <+yatpay> nope

(Look at the timestamps)
[12:34:11] <Topaz> happy 1234
[12:34:14] <yatpay> lol
[12:34:17] <yatpay> wait a few seconds...
[12:34:23] <Topaz> ooh yeha
[12:34:56] <Topaz> 123456!
[12:34:56] <yatpay> happy 123456
[12:34:59] <yatpay> lmfao!
[12:35:12] <Topaz> lol

Latrisse: So what's new?
yatpay: Kaltxì!
Latrisse: OK, you have crossed a line. I will write it, I will not speak it, and I can no longer be your friend.

(Via text message)
Bryce: Hey freak of nature
yatpay: kaltxì?
Bryce: What?
yatpay: lol, i figured i might as well roll with the "freak" thing and respond in na'vi
Bryce: I knew it!!!!!!!!!!

(Via text message)
yatpay: tony says the voice actor of meowth died 2 years ago
Bryce: ...I just realized I should have been way more depressed for the past two year

(Via text message. If you don't get it, watch Wizard People)
Brett: i have to read through a fucking 105 page long legal document to make an abstract. fml
yatpay: legal document and the sorcerer's stone. a pdf. chapter one. the ominous font makes the paper even more hoary and mysterious than usual, here in brett's cubicle
Brett: boooooo

[21:36:35] <yatpay> i need more yams
[21:36:45] <Topaz> YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL YAMS

[18:11:41] <yatpay> lol, my cat is so tenacious.. he jumps in my lap, i put him on the floor, repeat 100 times
[18:12:56] <clarkjames> cover your lap with spikes
[18:13:01] <yatpay> that's the way
[18:13:04] <clarkjames> or acid
[18:13:11] <yatpay> cats today don't know the dangers of acid or lava
[18:13:20] <clarkjames> but where acid-proof pants first, obv
[18:13:26] <yatpay> well that just goes without saying

[17:01:20] <yatpay> lol, i should see if i can get new glasses in time [to see Avatar]
[17:02:14] <nugget> like eye glasses or 3d glasses?
[17:02:23] <yatpay> eye glasses. i think i need a new prescription
[17:02:26] <yatpay> and they're all taped together
[17:02:33] <nugget> you should just get prescription 3d glasses
[17:02:40] <yatpay> that'd be convenient

(Via text message)
yatpay: NASA's selling space shuttles. $36 million, $6 million shipping and handling
Brett: wanna go halfsies on the Discovery space shuttle with me?
yatpay: smithsonian already got discovery. how about endeavour, the newest one
Brett: sounds awesome. on a totally unrelated note, could you spot me 21 million dollars?

Bryce: When I die, I want you to spread my ashes in a Moe's burrito.. and eat it.
yatpay: I don't even like Moe's burritos!

Bryce: I can't tell if I'm hungry or nauseous

(After returning from winter vacation)
Jerry: I wish break was.. again.

yatpay: Who the hell clicks on [internet] ads??
Yatpay's Mom: I didn't even know you could click them!

Becky: I just kind of have a headache now..
yatpay: Why?
Becky: I don't know..
yatpay: Is it cerebral edema? Cause that's serious.
Becky: I don't know but you're kind of adding to it.

[00:52:20] <james_sfne> lol... im IN the hottub
[00:53:16] <yatpay> with your laptop? or phone?
[00:53:28] <james_sfne> laPTOP

Becky: I love blind people! They're so much better than real people!

[15:01:54] <yatpay> were you born on christmas?
[15:01:58] <nugget> yes
[15:01:59] <yatpay> lol, bummer
[15:02:53] <nugget> but I assure you my birthday will one day overshadow christ's, he just has a 2000 year head start on me

[15:12:05] <jerry> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tK9myqHOMfE -
[15:12:15] <yatpay> where'd that hyphen come from
[15:12:47] <jerry> i was gonna type something, then changed my mind
[15:12:51] <yatpay> can i keep it?
[15:13:11] <jerry> the hyphen? no i want it back
[15:13:15] <yatpay> :( alright. -

[23:38:21] <sierra> I barely take my fingers up off the kyeus in order to slide them to the next ones
[23:38:23] <sierra> fuck it

(On his blog)
Mike: as I went to dispense some body soap onto my humble loofah, the soap squirted in an outrageous trajectory, right into my eyes, as if god himself had decided to ejaculate on my face.

(I got an email from Dr. Phil's producer that they wanted to use a video of my cats on Dr. Phil's blog. This exchange was via text message)
Brett: your going to be on Dr. Phil?
yatpay: I'm sorry I don't understand the question
Brett: you're going to be on Dr. Phil, fuckface?

[11:25:33] <yatpay> i don't understand mailing lists at all
[11:25:46] <Topaz> they're relics of the past
[11:25:59] <yatpay> they're relics of your face
[11:26:18] <yatpay> lol, it usually takes people a while to realize that there is absolutely zero meaning in my "your face" statements
[11:26:38] <Topaz> it usually takes people a while to realize that there is actually zero meaning in your face