yatpay (3:58:24 AM): how the fuck do they take a picture of the galaxy that we're in!?
wackodood (3:58:44 AM): the aliens send them to us
wackodood (3:58:51 AM): via kazaa

[23:38:21] <sierra> I barely take my fingers up off the kyeus in order to slide them to the next ones
[23:38:23] <sierra> fuck it

(On his blog)
Mike: as I went to dispense some body soap onto my humble loofah, the soap squirted in an outrageous trajectory, right into my eyes, as if god himself had decided to ejaculate on my face.

(I got an email from Dr. Phil's producer that they wanted to use a video of my cats on Dr. Phil's blog. This exchange was via text message)
Brett: your going to be on Dr. Phil?
yatpay: I'm sorry I don't understand the question
Brett: you're going to be on Dr. Phil, fuckface?

[11:25:33] <yatpay> i don't understand mailing lists at all
[11:25:46] <Topaz> they're relics of the past
[11:25:59] <yatpay> they're relics of your face
[11:26:18] <yatpay> lol, it usually takes people a while to realize that there is absolutely zero meaning in my "your face" statements
[11:26:38] <Topaz> it usually takes people a while to realize that there is actually zero meaning in your face

[15:29:23] <yatpay> get a g1! :D
[15:29:26] <yatpay> you're already on t-mobile
[15:29:36] <mel> Does it cost a buttload?
[15:29:44] <yatpay> $200
[15:29:58] <mel> A day?

Brett: I'm starting to fear I am secretly mentally challenged but no one ever told me, and that is why I haven't done anything mentally demanding at any of my jobs.

[09:52:12] <yatpay> bryce and i got snuggies and everyone is making fun of us
[09:53:01] <mel> Hahahahahahaha
[09:53:08] <mel> I am too.

(Via text message)
Bryce: Wheeled Warriors is so topical
yatpay: is it?
Bryce: No

Gragra: I'm 83 years old, I'm not about to start having fun now!

Bryce: Who wants to go to the vending machine with me?
McKeed: Eh, I'll go. I've got a bunch of change.
Bryce: Good. I've got a quarter.

[21:30:02] <yatpay> my nose is bleeding! :O
[21:30:09] <tony> :O
[21:30:13] <yatpay> :O
[21:30:38] <tony> :O - - - - - - [21:32:48] <yatpay> MY NOSE???

[19:20:19] <yatpay> buzz has this ridiculous behavior that i call "forced cuddling"
[19:20:26] <yatpay> he will just not take no for an answer
[19:20:33] <yatpay> as he forced you to pet him while he rolls around on your lap
[19:20:36] <sierra> no, that's called "cat"

[14:25:45] <mel> So how bad is this
[14:25:52] <mel> I have pokemon on my ds
[14:26:02] <mel> And I really wanted to do a trade evolve
[14:26:04] <yatpay> and you are 23
[14:26:13] <mel> So I traded with one of the kindergarteners
[14:26:20] <mel> And I am 23
[14:26:20] <yatpay> LMAO!!
[14:26:29] <mel> WITH A SWEET ASS GENGAR

[22:02:44] <muffie> so what's going on in your world?
[22:03:09] <yatpay> i just decided today that i'm not going to apply to jet
[22:03:38] <muffie> no? well that's a shame
TWO MINUTES OF CONVERSATION ABOUT JET LATER
[22:05:40] <muffie> OH btw
[22:05:44] <muffie> no idea what "jet" is

(Via text)
Brett: Let's play a drinking game; every time brett gets fired, take a shot.
Brett: Shots!!!
yatpay: really????
Brett: Yeah

[20:00:50] <nugget> my brain is so logical sometimes I wish I could just live as normal humans do

[23:24:15] <yatpay> every time i see a sunset i look around to see if you're leaning against a tree in a protoman costume
[23:24:46] <tony> I'm probably just on a different tree.

Bryce: I will be over on the later side tonight, so hide the cats cause I am looking for blood

yatpay: I had to cover a game at Baldwin.. there were two teams. A pink team and a white team. The pink team was the Pink Panthers.. which is already pretty bad. But the white team was... the White Panthers.
Bryce: They should've been.. the White Supremacists.

[20:22:51] <yatpay> typical conversation between me and the cats:
[20:22:59] <yatpay> =^O_O^=
[20:23:02] <yatpay> what the fuck are you eating??
[20:23:03] <yatpay> =^O_O^=
[20:24:11] <Topaz> an instant classic

(Via text message)
Brett: The problem with working out in the morning is that you have to take super-dumps for the rest of the day
yatpay: you're on the toilet right now aren't you
Brett: ;-D

James: So, I had to figure out how I was going to move my cactus [to my new apartment] and I decided that putting it in the cup holder would be a good idea.. but then I was afraid I'd accidentally try to drink it, so I put it in the back.

(Finding a TF2 server)
Bryce: I find a for real server! This server is for real! But this guy looks like a ghost so I don't know how I feel about that..

(Via SMS)
yatpay: Hey, I put your Daily Draw picture up on my office wall
Tony: Haha. I'm officially famous

[15:59:37] <yatpay> sad news.. captain lou is dead :(
[16:00:03] <yatpay> now he's doing the mario.. in heaven!
[16:00:08] <brandon> yeah
[16:00:17] <brandon> captain lou was probably suppose to die in the 80s
[16:00:26] <brandon> he was here on borrowed time
[16:01:26] <yatpay> hahaha, how many children died to balance out hte universe and keep captain lou alive??
[16:02:48] <brandon> many
[16:03:06] <brandon> most of them dying from epileptic seizures while playing nintendo or watching his tv show
[16:08:03] <yatpay> lmao
[16:08:25] <brandon> he's kind of like a vampire

(Talking via text message)
Brett: My job ends friday :/
yatpay: whoa, this day keeps getting worse and worse
Brett: My job ends today

(I'm reading a list of random facts)
yatpay: Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
Bryce: Ugh!! ....total? Or on each foot?

[17:18:06] <yatpay> ok, time for more S.T.A.L.K.E.R.
[17:19:41] <vicbond> That's a creepy way to end a conversation
[17:20:25] <vicbond> brb P.e.e.p.i.n.g. T.o.m.

[20:03:40] <lone_beaver> i think the key to metal gear solid is to bring a book

(Neil and Buzz are my kittens)
[17:56:36] <yatpay> buzz totally fucking flipped out earlier
[17:56:39] <yatpay> i'm not sure what the deal was
[17:56:39] <lone_beaver> i doubt it
[17:56:44] <yatpay> i can't tell if they were fighting or not
[17:56:45] <lone_beaver> just out of nowhere?
[17:56:49] <yatpay> because by the time i looked neil was across the room
[17:56:53] <yatpay> and i don't know if he ran there or was already there
[17:56:59] <yatpay> but buzz was just like "YOWWWLLLL!!!"
[17:57:05] <yatpay> and i thought i had crushed him with my chair or something
[17:57:13] <yatpay> but he seems alright so whatever, lol
[17:57:17] <lone_beaver> he's fine
[17:57:20] <lone_beaver> cats just do that sometimes
[17:57:39] <lone_beaver> like little furry hunter s. thompsons

[20:50:27] <vicbond> Bryce's mind is the Pet Cemetary of In-Jokes.

yatpay: Dad, when are you getting hearing aids?
yatpay's Dad: These army socks worked out really well!

(Sierra is deaf)
[22:22:29] <yatpay> good artists borrow, great artists steal =P
[22:22:39] <sierra> yup
[22:22:45] <sierra> in that case, I'm fucking van gogh
[22:22:49] <yatpay> lol
[22:23:05] <yatpay> lol, there's a deaf joke in there somewhere
[22:23:38] <sierra> yep
[22:23:43] <sierra> that and he's batshit

Bryce: Are you going to start a kitty farm? I think you should.
yatpay: With my two male cats?
Bryce: Ah! I believe Jurassic Park taught us that life will find a way!

[19:20:06] <lone_beaver> so the other day
[19:20:09] <lone_beaver> i was in the car with rosie
[19:20:24] <lone_beaver> and i asked her, "what was your favorite scene in the movie SPEED?"
[19:20:28] <lone_beaver> and you know what she says to me?
[19:20:38] <lone_beaver> "i have never seen Speed"
[19:21:32] <lone_beaver> and then our velocity dropped below 50 mph, and the bus exploded

[11:53:16] <nugget> ripley was supposed to be half alien in resurrection
[11:53:24] <nugget> which is why she had acid for blood and was good at basketball
[11:53:27] <nugget> just like the aliens

yatpay: lol, mom's hobby is not responding to me on AIM
Becky: Mine too!

[01:15:01] <yatpay> you know what would rule?
[01:15:11] <yatpay> house arrest
[01:15:17] <tony> Hahahaha

Bryce's Mom: What are you doing up?
Bryce: I dunno, mom. It's 10:15 on a Friday night, am I that lame in your mind?

Bryce: JP guess what comes out this Monday!
yatpay: ...
Bryce: Jelly Belly: Ballistic Beans!
Brett: What's that?
Bryce: Brett, who cares!?

[09:09:41] <mel> Je voudrais du laveuax dans le douche!
[09:09:57] <yatpay> you love dan's douche?
[09:10:25] <mel> Its an uncomfortable topic for me...

Bryce: You know that game I was telling you about when I was dominating?
yatpay: Yeah..
Bryce: Turns out they were bots.

[19:56:24] <yatpay> well.. it took me almost 25 hours.. but the first minute of my amv is done
[20:24:18] <vicbond> quit rushing

[19:58:04] <brandon> yeah takeout is bad news
[19:58:31] <brandon> it's like having a pizza hand fed to you while you fart all over your bed and stink the place up
[19:58:38] <yatpay> hahaha
[19:58:40] <yatpay> ah, good times

(Via SMS)
Bryce: I got burps on the brain
yatpay: What, a cerebral embolism?

(I was listening to the Apollo 11 transmissions in realtime, 40 years late)
[11:33:04] <yatpay> haha, oh no, there's a real spacewalk going on right now
[11:33:07] <yatpay> now i have to watch both
[11:33:36] <jabberwok> or you could just wait 40 years to watch today's spacewalk

(Before entering the Safari at Six Flags Great Adventure)
Brett: Now, are the monkeys going to unbuckle my seatbelt and take me?

Bryce: Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me a million times... REALLY shame on me..

[16:10:30] <james> 2 grown men riding a coaster meant for 6 year olds isnt gay!
[16:10:32] <james> its
[16:10:34] <james> :-/
[16:10:37] <james> I guess you're right.
[16:10:48] <yatpay> lol, when did we become grown men :(
[16:11:03] <james> last week I think.
[16:11:06] <yatpay> LMFAO

yatpay: Do you know the name of the sun?
Bryce: Yeah.
yatpay: ...well?
Bryce: .....Edgar.

[13:28:19] <becky> i'm eating a sandwich
[13:28:25] <becky> idk why i told u that just fyi i guess

[23:21:16] <tony> It's an odd and disturbing process that many anime characters seem to degrade into looking like me.

18:58:27 <yatpay> "yatpay has learned EGGWHITE_OMELETTE"
18:59:21 <Topaz> BUT YATPAY CAN ONLY KNOW FOUR MOVES!
18:59:27 <Topaz> FORGET A MOVE TO LEARN EGGWHITE_OMELETTE?
18:59:36 <yatpay> "yatpay forgot GAIN WEIGHT"
19:01:05 <Topaz> i like how normal people say "oh hey, i learned to make eggwhite omelettes so i can lose some weight"
19:01:11 <Topaz> and we make an elaborate pokemon reference

[13:57:33] <lone_beaver> nobody is on linkedin
[13:57:35] <yatpay> i am
[13:57:36] <lone_beaver> this site is fucking useless
[13:57:41] <lone_beaver> i will link to you
[13:57:50] <yatpay> lol, that may be a bad thing for your career
[13:57:53] <lone_beaver> it took me a second to remember what your name is
[13:57:57] <yatpay> lmao
[13:58:06] <lone_beaver> like... "jp...jp... jayyy p...

yatpay: Last night on The Colbert Report he goes to a carnival and talks to weird carnies
James: It was Coney Island (denos wonderwheel pakr). I've been there
yatpay: Did you meet Colbert?
James: Yeah, I rode Cyclone with him
yatpay: Wowww
James: No wait, that was Rob.

yatpay: Hey, 3D Realms is going out of business. Duke Nukem Forever is never going to get finished.
Bryce: And at last the world was quiet.

[22:26:14] <bryce> having a ps3 would be so exciting
[22:26:22] <yatpay> it's the american dream

(Brett is in China)
[17:35:45] <yatpay> how's the air?
[17:36:12] <lone_beaver> literally like grand theft auto
[17:36:19] <lone_beaver> shit just fades into view it is so smoggy
[17:37:20] <lone_beaver> there are more similarities between gta and china than i am comfortable with

(Moments after getting his masters degree in Business)
Brett: Brett is evolving! Brett has learned "Business." Brett has forgotten "Economics."

[10:10:28] <lone_beaver> i think that having an australian accent makes you cool
[10:10:45] <lone_beaver> because to have grown up in australia, there is no way you could have avoided fighting a crocodile

[23:03:26] <yatpay> http://pics.yatpay.net/08-05-10/53259.jpg
[23:03:42] <bryce> haha
[23:03:48] <bryce> a saiyan to be proud of
[23:03:56] <bryce> i feel like james was sent here to destroy us
[23:03:58] <bryce> but forgot
[23:04:04] <bryce> and now just parties

(On Omegle)
You: she hates math
Stranger: i [do] too
You: haha, why are you a math teacher then??
Stranger: i must face my fear

[14:37:17] <Topaz> i love when my loaves of bread have a multiple of four slices of bread
[14:37:23] <Topaz> so i don't need two loaves to make sandwiches
[...]
[14:38:55] <yatpay> why multiples of four?
[14:39:01] <Topaz> because i make two sandwiches
[14:39:04] <Topaz> one is insufficient
[14:39:29] <yatpay> ohhhhkay...

(Talking about the free 3D glasses handed out for Superbowl commercials)
Brett: Why don't people take 100 of them?
yatpay: Why would they do that?
Brett: To see in 100 dimensions?

[22:41:12] -!- lone_beaver is away: Away
[22:41:12] <lone_beaver> Nothing is as far away as one minute ago. - Jim Bishop
[22:42:12] <yatpay> Nothing is as far away as an adjacent square. - A Bishop

[14:05:03] <yatpay> lol, you need to tell rosie that just signing off in the middle of a conversation is no good
[14:06:02] <lone_beaver> she would probably just stop listening half way through me explaining it to her

(Via SMS)
yatpay: the mappy champion is in this [documentary]. greg bond
Bryce: It is an important and unforgettable moment when you learn the name of your greatest rival

[13:24:28] <mel> The vending machine is full of chips
[13:24:35] <mel> But I am not

[19:53:39] <yatpay> you know... when you hear the plot for the metal gear games summed up in a few minutes.... it sounds fucking insane
[19:54:28] <lone_beaver> i am pretty sure that when you hear the plot for the metal gear games summed up over the course of a few games... it sounds fucking insane

[13:32:18] <lone_beaver> In Asia and England, a black cat is considered lucky.
[13:32:44] <yatpay> In the black cat community, Asia and England are considered unlucky.
[13:35:13] <lone_beaver> haha, i totally didnt register cat when you wrote that
[13:35:24] <lone_beaver> In the black community, Asia and England are considered unlucky.

[13:16:20] <lone_beaver> howdy
[13:16:29] <lone_beaver> A giraffe can clean its ears with its tongue.
[13:16:58] <yatpay> i have no clever response
[13:18:17] <lone_beaver> you say that like i expected you to
[13:18:22] <lone_beaver> i am only educating you
[13:18:30] <lone_beaver> o
[13:19:01] <yatpay> where did that extra o come from?
[13:20:10] <lone_beaver> i was worried that that should have been a too instead of to
[13:20:17] <lone_beaver> so i tagged on that extra o, just incase
[13:20:23] <lone_beaver> save it up if you dont need it
[13:20:55] <yatpay> ok

[15:42:12] <lone_beaver> Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
[15:42:19] <lone_beaver> The heaviest dog ever weighed 319 pounds.
[15:42:44] <yatpay> venus was the heaviest dog to ever rotate clockwise
[15:43:41] <lone_beaver> 319 pounds is the heaviest venus to rotate ever
[15:44:48] <yatpay> dog is the venusest 319 pounds to be clockwise

15:24:21] <yatpay> Good news everyone! I made you hear things in the professor's voice against your will again!
[15:25:50] <lone_beaver> ahhhh!
[15:25:59] <lone_beaver> professor! get out of my head!

Bryce: Aw, I got snipped. I mean sniped!

Bryce: I think scratch and sniff could save the newspaper industry because you can't smell the internet.