Welcome to the quotes page. When people say funny things, I write them down. I started doing this some time in 2003 and the collection has been steadily growing ever since. Around 2006 I introduced the voting system. If you like a quote, click the up arrow, if you don't like it, click the down arrow. That's it! Enjoy!
Quote #142Score: 1 + / -
(Talking about a visual presentation, posters, etc)
Mr. Barth: Don't put little paragraphs on the poster like... who discovered the eye...
Quote #141Score: 10 + / -
yatpay: Guess what.
James: What? Did you get a new cat?
James: What is it!? I said a new cat and ham, what else is there in this world!?
Quote #136Score: 4 + / -
Mr. Barth: Russia is a free democratic capitalism. They have McDonald's there.
Quote #132Score: 1 + / -
Pat O: Gerbils are so cute... until they eat their babies.
Quote #131Score: 2 + / -
Commander's Teacher: I think that every year, there should be a 13 year old orgy. every 13 year old in America should get naked and have sex, to get it out of their system.
Quote #128Score: 0 + / -
Commander's Teacher: (After wasting an entire class one only one presentation, the class is almost over) This is all because of your dumbass presentation.
Quote #127Score: 4 + / -
yatpay's Dad: Actually, if everybody stopped worrying about hungry people, the problem would correct itself.
yatpay's Dad: They'd all starve!
Quote #126Score: 6 + / -
Wacko: Lead paint equals much fun.
Quote #125Score: 9 + / -
James: *to Muffie* I hate you so much, you're my best friend!
Quote #124Score: 5 + / -
Medusa: My science teacher.. for a different class.. got pissed at her class, so she made the class write down some goals.. They handed it in. She ripped up the paper and told the class that they aren't going to achieve those goals anyways...
Quote #122Score: -3 + / -
Mrs. Singer: Math is for people without souls.
Quote #119Score: 12 + / -
yatpay: I told my cousin how my babysitter was your sister and he said "Kelly [James's last name]!? She's friggin' crazy! The other day I saw her running down the street chasing some kid and beating him over the head with a baton!"
James: That was me!
Quote #118Score: 15 + / -
(James has about 2900 posts on ThrillNetwork's forums)
James: After I hit 3000 posts I'm quitting 'cause I hate TN...
(1000 posts later)
James: ........I hate TN so much...
Quote #117Score: 6 + / -
Dr. Peterson: This theorem is slick as snot on a rock.
Quote #115Score: 5 + / -
Dr. Peterson: Mathematicians die of white lung..
Quote #114Score: 5 + / -
(After staying up late correcting labs)
Ms. Whitner: How many labs can you read before you want to.. kill yourself..
Quote #113Score: 15 + / -
James: In five years you'll be a fat Cuban mom.
Muffie: ...no matter how fat I get I won't be Cuban.
James: I think you will.
Quote #111Score: 12 + / -
(James is sick with a "SARS wannabe")
James: Oh yeah! I have to take my pills, they keep me alive...
Quote #110Score: 4 + / -
yatpay: What's the name of the Statue of Liberty island?
Commander: (Who lives in Manhattan) It's on an island?
Quote #108Score: 10 + / -
(From NERO, '02)
Muffie: *running down a hill waving arms wildly* I'M INCONSPICUOUS!!!!!
Quote #106Score: 3 + / -
Dr. Burke: I have a Ryder truck, and I need some boys to go out to Western Massachusetts with me.
Quote #105Score: 3 + / -
(During BC Calculus with Dr. P)
Dr. Peterson: So, sin(x+y) breaks up into sinxcosy + cosxsiny...
MHS Dave: It's like they're married!
MHS Dave: You know, the Xs and Ys...
(A few minutes later)
Dr. Peterson: Now this may distress Dave, but what happens if x and y are equal? heh heh heh...
Quote #104Score: 5 + / -
(Heard in hallway)
Student: They should cross the Tyrannosaurus Rex and a Pterodactyl so that it could fly and eat everyone...
Quote #95Score: 7 + / -
(In our school, the classes are really oversized, so seats are an issue. In Mr. Reilly's class they're one seat short. This quote is about the one kid who doesn't have a chair..)
Mr. Reilly: Well....we can't just keep sending him to the office.. but that's the only way we'll have enough seats.
Quote #93Score: 6 + / -
(On PA system)
Dr. Burke: In the last 25 minutes, a car in the parking lot was hit by a parked.... or moving car.
Quote #92Score: 9 + / -
(The entire senior class is in the cafeteria with Dr. Burke giving a speech)
Dr. Burke: We want to help you do what you want to do.
Muffie: *to James* I want to shoot myself in the face...
Quote #90Score: 12 + / -
(Talking about a website with 3D roller coasters that people make and submit)
James: Only one person downloaded my roller coaster...
yatpay: Who is it?
James: I don't know... I don't even want to look because it's probably just me and I forgot...
Quote #89Score: 9 + / -
James: I think my scanner is better than yours.
yatpay: No, I think mine is better. It has a higher DPI.
James: You don't know that.
yatpay: What's yours?
yatpay: Mine's twenty-four hundred.
James: *laughs* Oh... well, mine's twenty-three hundred and one!... plus a thousand more.
Quote #88Score: 4 + / -
*On the subway*
yatpay: Steph! Watch my laptop -er- empty bag!
Quote #87Score: 8 + / -
(We're at the park and James went back to his house which is about 200 feet away to get us some food...)
James: *eating Lucky Charms out of a box* I didn't have any food.... except this box of food... for me.
Quote #85Score: 9 + / -
(Playing Monopoly, James is counting out money with $20 bills)
James: 350, 370, 380, 900!
Quote #83Score: 2 + / -
yatpay: Becky, you know who Alan Shepard is right?
Becky: Oh! Wasn't he that guy who acted in the Harry Potter movie?
(He was the first American in space!! Come on people!)
Quote #82Score: 4 + / -
*Willow almost gets hit by a car*
Willow: Wha!! Death!!
Quote #81Score: 11 + / -
James: Raptors scare me, I'm glad they're dead.
Quote #80Score: 7 + / -
[James' SN]: its 3 am do you know where your pants are?
Quote #79Score: 4 + / -
Wacko: This drawer contains treasures beyond your wildest dreams... cool! tape! *pulls out scotch tape*
Quote #77Score: 10 + / -
*yatpay shows up at James' house. James opens door*
James: *opens mouth to say something*
yatpay: Hey! New haircut!
James: *closes mouth* ..I hate you!
Quote #76Score: 2 + / -
yatpay: *looks at Becky's pocket in the front of her sweatshirt* What do you keep in that anyway?
Becky: .....my life.
Quote #74Score: 3 + / -
Amanda: *shocked* do you have illegal music on your computer [Wacko]!?
Amanda: I don't.
yatpay: Oh yeah? Where do you get your music?
Amanda: I get it on Kazaa!
*Wacko and yatpay burst into laughter*
Quote #72Score: 8 + / -
James: *shouts at yatpay* I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! *looks at Muffie* I'm ok with you *back at yatpay* I hate you!
Quote #71Score: 11 + / -
*James' Dad bursts into the room*
James' Dad: Jamie! What's this $200 bill on your credit card for [DDR CDs]??
James: *Makes a noise like a peacock*
James' Dad: Stop that! Now wh-
James' Dad: I-
James' Dad: You're so silly.. *walks off*
Quote #70Score: 10 + / -
James: You don't move to Melrose.. you end up here.
Quote #69Score: 14 + / -
*James is calling his mom for a ride home from the movies and really has to go to the bathroom after drinking a big soda*
James' Mom: Jamie! It takes me 20 minutes to get there!
James: Well it only takes me 2 minutes to piss my pants so hurry up!
Quote #68Score: 3 + / -
Wacko: Utilitarianists are like communists.. only happier
Quote #65Score: 6 + / -
James: This is the stupidest thing I've ever done! ...I seem to be saying that on a daily basis now... (said moments before licking a burning match)
Quote #64Score: 10 + / -
yatpay: Can you plug this in?
Muffie: Nooo, I can't bend over!
yatpay: How come?
Muffie: I'm having a feminine emergency!
Quote #63Score: 4 + / -
James: *after coming back from lunch where the seniors were bouncing a beachball around since it was their last day* I could write a book! I'd call it "How the Beachball Saved My School"! And then since it popped I could write a sequel called "How the Beachball Ruined My School", and then to make it a trilogy I'd write a book called "How the Beachball Never Really Impacted My School At All"
Quote #62Score: 22 + / -
James: Fine! I'll just go get my inflatable pants and sleep on the atmosphere!
Quote #61Score: 12 + / -
James: If I had inflatable pants I would so sleep on the ceiling...
Quote #60Score: 15 + / -
James: I'm afraid of ceiling fans... cause I'm tall...
Quote #59Score: 15 + / -
Mike Burns: *holds up hand for high five*
James: I, uh, don't high five... don't have the hand eye coordination...
Quote #58Score: 5 + / -
Tim: Did you--
Tim: ...fine! I won't tell you--
yatpay: About the people that got trampled?
yatpay: Fear my psychic skills!!
Quote #51Score: 3 + / -
Wacko: It says its free! But then it says "Buy now!" !!
Quote #50Score: 0 + / -
Mr. Coughlin: Lincoln was going to the Ford Theatre which is only a few blocks from the White House.
Amanda: Did he walk?
Mr. Coughlin: The president doesn't walk.
Thanh: What was wrong with his legs?
Quote #49Score: 7 + / -
Muffie: If the Power Rangers can have a lost galaxy then the Smurfs can live on the moon!!
Quote #47Score: 8 + / -
(Talking about what people in the biochemistry field are up to)
Mr. Reilly: A lot of what they're doing now is trying to make reactions faster... and with less explooosions.
Quote #46Score: -2 + / -
Matt D: This [Latin] test needs to be cast into the fires of Mount Doom from whence it came!
Quote #43Score: 5 + / -
Becky: I'm not on speaking terms with you [yatpay], I'm not on speaking terms with you either Mom... I'm only on speaking terms with my salad... hello salad.
Quote #42Score: 2 + / -
Becky: Someone should reeeally tell China about forks...
Quote #41Score: 8 + / -
(At age 14)
Becky: I already know everything about life anyway.
Quote #40Score: 1 + / -
(Willow has an old laptop and is banging the screen on a window)
Willow: Hey cool! If you hit it right you get a little spot that looks like Abe Lincoln! *continues banging*
Quote #38Score: 4 + / -
(Talking about organic reactions)
Mr. Reilly: And then the mixture turns brown... and then it turns blaaack... and it is at that point that you throw it out the window and run awaaaay.
Quote #37Score: 1 + / -
(Separating students before a test and Brandon is sitting next to Kevin)
Mr. Black: Brandon you have to move.
Mr. Black: Because we're having a test.
Brandon: Its not like your tests make any sense anyway...
Quote #36Score: 3 + / -
(Talking about football and the Catholic school)
Dr. Burke: We're going to fight the Catholics!!
Quote #35Score: 2 + / -
News anchor: [A person] was killed to death late last night....
Quote #34Score: 1 + / -
News anchor: This isn't your typical car driving into a building story...
Quote #33Score: 13 + / -
yatpay: They should make a video game out of Stephen Hawking..
Wacko: Yeah, like Stephen Hawking's Pro-Wheelchair.
Quote #31Score: 10 + / -
(In a chat room)
wackodood: Yeah, me and yatpay take classes at MIT.
Chat person: You got into MIT!?
wackodood: Yeah, it wasn't that hard.
yatpay: Especially when you use the automatic door.
wackodood: lol, I don't think you're getting this.
Quote #29Score: 1 + / -
Kevin G: I'm just gonna tear off my scrotum and throw it in your face.
Quote #28Score: 2 + / -
Mr. Black: Do you have your book?
Mr. Black: OK, you have to pay $40.
yatpay: No I don't think so, I think I'm just gonna keep it.
Mr. Black: OK.
Quote #27Score: 3 + / -
(On why diaries are reliable historical sources)
Mr. Coughlin: I'm gonna keep a diary.. *darts eyes* and I'm gonna lie!
Quote #26Score: 2 + / -
yatpay: Mr. Black you teach CAD!?
Mr. Black: Yes.
yatpay: Do you even know CAD?
Mr. Black: No.
Quote #25Score: 1 + / -
Mr. Black: OK, you have to get to work on this, this program has to be done by next week.
yatpay: *looks at paper* I'm not going to do this, I'm just going to read stuff on the internet.
Mr. Black: OK that's fine too.
Quote #24Score: 2 + / -
(Talking to the Latin substitute)
Anthony: What's your name anyway?
Sub: I have no name.
Dave C: What!? So what the hell do we call you?
Sub: You can call me whatever you want.
Dan K.: Can I call you Slave?
yatpay: Mr. Slave!
(He was called Mr Slave for the rest of the year)
Quote #22Score: 4 + / -
Mr. Reilly: Why are you late?
Girl: The bathrooms were locked.
Mr. Reilly: They don't let you use the bathrooms?
Mr. Reilly: ... well maybe you'd better get a gun!
Quote #21Score: 1 + / -
Mr. Reilly: OK, so what would we call this?
Girl: I have no idea.
Mr. Reilly: Correct!
Quote #19Score: 6 + / -
(I'm at the printer printing out a 100+ page book)
Chris: Mr Black! He's printing a book! I need to print out my homework.
Mr Black: Let him finish.
Chris: It's not even for school!
Mr Black: That's it, go to the second floor office!
yatpay: Haha. *continues printing*
Quote #18Score: 2 + / -
Chris: *Passes in programming homework*
Mr. Black: OK, go sit over there. (the place where he sends kids who he thinks are being bad.)
Chris: What!? What'd I do?
Mr. Black: No backtalk, just go.
Chris: *while walking* I didn't even do anything!
Mr. Black: Do you want to go to the second floor office?
Mr. Black: Then go!
Quote #17Score: 2 + / -
Mr. Webb: OK, we're going to be studying drugs now.
Student: But...we did this last quarter.
Mr. Webb: Then it should be easy!
Quote #11Score: 1 + / -
Mr. Reilly: People with bad handwriting sometimes have trouble with this... People with good handwriting have a lot of trouble with this... So it's not related to handwriting.
Quote #10Score: 3 + / -
Mr. Reilly: That would be an ether. They don't really do anything.....except exploooode.
Quote #9Score: 4 + / -
Mr. Reilly: Put the tetris away or I will crush it!
Quote #7Score: 9 + / -
Mr. Reilly: This is called a digital readout... its not really called that, I just call it that because I like the sound of it. Its actually called something stupid.
Quote #6Score: 9 + / -
Dan G: Can I throw a snowball at you?
Mr. Reilly: No... it's against school regulations. Plus, I'll crush your head.
Quote #2Score: 10 + / -
(Wacko is playing chess with himself)
Wacko: Aww, now black is just toying with me.
Quote #1Score: 10 + / -
(New Years 2002-2003)
yatpay: So Wacko, what's your new years resolutions?
Wacko: *thinks* To not talk all year. Aww, I already broke it.