Welcome to the quotes page. When people say funny things, I write them down. I started doing this some time in 2003 and the collection has been steadily growing ever since. Around 2006 I introduced the voting system. If you like a quote, click the up arrow, if you don't like it, click the down arrow. That's it! Enjoy!
Quote #119Score: 12 + / -
yatpay: I told my cousin how my babysitter was your sister and he said "Kelly [James's last name]!? She's friggin' crazy! The other day I saw her running down the street chasing some kid and beating him over the head with a baton!"
James: That was me!
Quote #118Score: 15 + / -
(James has about 2900 posts on ThrillNetwork's forums)
James: After I hit 3000 posts I'm quitting 'cause I hate TN...
(1000 posts later)
James: ........I hate TN so much...
Quote #117Score: 6 + / -
Dr. Peterson: This theorem is slick as snot on a rock.
Quote #115Score: 5 + / -
Dr. Peterson: Mathematicians die of white lung..
Quote #114Score: 5 + / -
(After staying up late correcting labs)
Ms. Whitner: How many labs can you read before you want to.. kill yourself..
Quote #113Score: 15 + / -
James: In five years you'll be a fat Cuban mom.
Muffie: ...no matter how fat I get I won't be Cuban.
James: I think you will.
Quote #111Score: 12 + / -
(James is sick with a "SARS wannabe")
James: Oh yeah! I have to take my pills, they keep me alive...
Quote #110Score: 4 + / -
yatpay: What's the name of the Statue of Liberty island?
Commander: (Who lives in Manhattan) It's on an island?
Quote #108Score: 10 + / -
(From NERO, '02)
Muffie: *running down a hill waving arms wildly* I'M INCONSPICUOUS!!!!!
Quote #106Score: 3 + / -
Dr. Burke: I have a Ryder truck, and I need some boys to go out to Western Massachusetts with me.
Quote #105Score: 3 + / -
(During BC Calculus with Dr. P)
Dr. Peterson: So, sin(x+y) breaks up into sinxcosy + cosxsiny...
MHS Dave: It's like they're married!
MHS Dave: You know, the Xs and Ys...
(A few minutes later)
Dr. Peterson: Now this may distress Dave, but what happens if x and y are equal? heh heh heh...
Quote #104Score: 5 + / -
(Heard in hallway)
Student: They should cross the Tyrannosaurus Rex and a Pterodactyl so that it could fly and eat everyone...
Quote #95Score: 7 + / -
(In our school, the classes are really oversized, so seats are an issue. In Mr. Reilly's class they're one seat short. This quote is about the one kid who doesn't have a chair..)
Mr. Reilly: Well....we can't just keep sending him to the office.. but that's the only way we'll have enough seats.
Quote #93Score: 6 + / -
(On PA system)
Dr. Burke: In the last 25 minutes, a car in the parking lot was hit by a parked.... or moving car.
Quote #92Score: 9 + / -
(The entire senior class is in the cafeteria with Dr. Burke giving a speech)
Dr. Burke: We want to help you do what you want to do.
Muffie: *to James* I want to shoot myself in the face...
Quote #90Score: 12 + / -
(Talking about a website with 3D roller coasters that people make and submit)
James: Only one person downloaded my roller coaster...
yatpay: Who is it?
James: I don't know... I don't even want to look because it's probably just me and I forgot...
Quote #89Score: 9 + / -
James: I think my scanner is better than yours.
yatpay: No, I think mine is better. It has a higher DPI.
James: You don't know that.
yatpay: What's yours?
yatpay: Mine's twenty-four hundred.
James: *laughs* Oh... well, mine's twenty-three hundred and one!... plus a thousand more.
Quote #88Score: 4 + / -
*On the subway*
yatpay: Steph! Watch my laptop -er- empty bag!
Quote #87Score: 8 + / -
(We're at the park and James went back to his house which is about 200 feet away to get us some food...)
James: *eating Lucky Charms out of a box* I didn't have any food.... except this box of food... for me.
Quote #85Score: 9 + / -
(Playing Monopoly, James is counting out money with $20 bills)
James: 350, 370, 380, 900!
Quote #83Score: 2 + / -
yatpay: Becky, you know who Alan Shepard is right?
Becky: Oh! Wasn't he that guy who acted in the Harry Potter movie?
(He was the first American in space!! Come on people!)
Quote #82Score: 4 + / -
*Willow almost gets hit by a car*
Willow: Wha!! Death!!
Quote #81Score: 11 + / -
James: Raptors scare me, I'm glad they're dead.
Quote #80Score: 7 + / -
[James' SN]: its 3 am do you know where your pants are?
Quote #79Score: 4 + / -
Wacko: This drawer contains treasures beyond your wildest dreams... cool! tape! *pulls out scotch tape*
Quote #77Score: 10 + / -
*yatpay shows up at James' house. James opens door*
James: *opens mouth to say something*
yatpay: Hey! New haircut!
James: *closes mouth* ..I hate you!
Quote #76Score: 2 + / -
yatpay: *looks at Becky's pocket in the front of her sweatshirt* What do you keep in that anyway?
Becky: .....my life.
Quote #74Score: 3 + / -
Amanda: *shocked* do you have illegal music on your computer [Wacko]!?
Amanda: I don't.
yatpay: Oh yeah? Where do you get your music?
Amanda: I get it on Kazaa!
*Wacko and yatpay burst into laughter*
Quote #72Score: 8 + / -
James: *shouts at yatpay* I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! *looks at Muffie* I'm ok with you *back at yatpay* I hate you!
Quote #71Score: 11 + / -
*James' Dad bursts into the room*
James' Dad: Jamie! What's this $200 bill on your credit card for [DDR CDs]??
James: *Makes a noise like a peacock*
James' Dad: Stop that! Now wh-
James' Dad: I-
James' Dad: You're so silly.. *walks off*
Quote #70Score: 10 + / -
James: You don't move to Melrose.. you end up here.
Quote #69Score: 14 + / -
*James is calling his mom for a ride home from the movies and really has to go to the bathroom after drinking a big soda*
James' Mom: Jamie! It takes me 20 minutes to get there!
James: Well it only takes me 2 minutes to piss my pants so hurry up!
Quote #68Score: 3 + / -
Wacko: Utilitarianists are like communists.. only happier
Quote #65Score: 6 + / -
James: This is the stupidest thing I've ever done! ...I seem to be saying that on a daily basis now... (said moments before licking a burning match)
Quote #64Score: 10 + / -
yatpay: Can you plug this in?
Muffie: Nooo, I can't bend over!
yatpay: How come?
Muffie: I'm having a feminine emergency!
Quote #63Score: 4 + / -
James: *after coming back from lunch where the seniors were bouncing a beachball around since it was their last day* I could write a book! I'd call it "How the Beachball Saved My School"! And then since it popped I could write a sequel called "How the Beachball Ruined My School", and then to make it a trilogy I'd write a book called "How the Beachball Never Really Impacted My School At All"
Quote #62Score: 22 + / -
James: Fine! I'll just go get my inflatable pants and sleep on the atmosphere!
Quote #61Score: 12 + / -
James: If I had inflatable pants I would so sleep on the ceiling...
Quote #60Score: 15 + / -
James: I'm afraid of ceiling fans... cause I'm tall...
Quote #59Score: 15 + / -
Mike Burns: *holds up hand for high five*
James: I, uh, don't high five... don't have the hand eye coordination...
Quote #58Score: 5 + / -
Tim: Did you--
Tim: ...fine! I won't tell you--
yatpay: About the people that got trampled?
yatpay: Fear my psychic skills!!
Quote #51Score: 3 + / -
Wacko: It says its free! But then it says "Buy now!" !!
Quote #50Score: 0 + / -
Mr. Coughlin: Lincoln was going to the Ford Theatre which is only a few blocks from the White House.
Amanda: Did he walk?
Mr. Coughlin: The president doesn't walk.
Thanh: What was wrong with his legs?
Quote #49Score: 7 + / -
Muffie: If the Power Rangers can have a lost galaxy then the Smurfs can live on the moon!!
Quote #47Score: 8 + / -
(Talking about what people in the biochemistry field are up to)
Mr. Reilly: A lot of what they're doing now is trying to make reactions faster... and with less explooosions.
Quote #46Score: -2 + / -
Matt D: This [Latin] test needs to be cast into the fires of Mount Doom from whence it came!
Quote #43Score: 5 + / -
Becky: I'm not on speaking terms with you [yatpay], I'm not on speaking terms with you either Mom... I'm only on speaking terms with my salad... hello salad.
Quote #42Score: 2 + / -
Becky: Someone should reeeally tell China about forks...
Quote #41Score: 8 + / -
(At age 14)
Becky: I already know everything about life anyway.
Quote #40Score: 1 + / -
(Willow has an old laptop and is banging the screen on a window)
Willow: Hey cool! If you hit it right you get a little spot that looks like Abe Lincoln! *continues banging*
Quote #38Score: 4 + / -
(Talking about organic reactions)
Mr. Reilly: And then the mixture turns brown... and then it turns blaaack... and it is at that point that you throw it out the window and run awaaaay.
Quote #37Score: 1 + / -
(Separating students before a test and Brandon is sitting next to Kevin)
Mr. Black: Brandon you have to move.
Mr. Black: Because we're having a test.
Brandon: Its not like your tests make any sense anyway...
Quote #36Score: 3 + / -
(Talking about football and the Catholic school)
Dr. Burke: We're going to fight the Catholics!!
Quote #35Score: 2 + / -
News anchor: [A person] was killed to death late last night....
Quote #34Score: 1 + / -
News anchor: This isn't your typical car driving into a building story...
Quote #33Score: 13 + / -
yatpay: They should make a video game out of Stephen Hawking..
Wacko: Yeah, like Stephen Hawking's Pro-Wheelchair.
Quote #31Score: 10 + / -
(In a chat room)
wackodood: Yeah, me and yatpay take classes at MIT.
Chat person: You got into MIT!?
wackodood: Yeah, it wasn't that hard.
yatpay: Especially when you use the automatic door.
wackodood: lol, I don't think you're getting this.
Quote #29Score: 1 + / -
Kevin G: I'm just gonna tear off my scrotum and throw it in your face.
Quote #28Score: 2 + / -
Mr. Black: Do you have your book?
Mr. Black: OK, you have to pay $40.
yatpay: No I don't think so, I think I'm just gonna keep it.
Mr. Black: OK.
Quote #27Score: 3 + / -
(On why diaries are reliable historical sources)
Mr. Coughlin: I'm gonna keep a diary.. *darts eyes* and I'm gonna lie!
Quote #26Score: 2 + / -
yatpay: Mr. Black you teach CAD!?
Mr. Black: Yes.
yatpay: Do you even know CAD?
Mr. Black: No.
Quote #25Score: 1 + / -
Mr. Black: OK, you have to get to work on this, this program has to be done by next week.
yatpay: *looks at paper* I'm not going to do this, I'm just going to read stuff on the internet.
Mr. Black: OK that's fine too.
Quote #24Score: 2 + / -
(Talking to the Latin substitute)
Anthony: What's your name anyway?
Sub: I have no name.
Dave C: What!? So what the hell do we call you?
Sub: You can call me whatever you want.
Dan K.: Can I call you Slave?
yatpay: Mr. Slave!
(He was called Mr Slave for the rest of the year)
Quote #22Score: 4 + / -
Mr. Reilly: Why are you late?
Girl: The bathrooms were locked.
Mr. Reilly: They don't let you use the bathrooms?
Mr. Reilly: ... well maybe you'd better get a gun!
Quote #21Score: 1 + / -
Mr. Reilly: OK, so what would we call this?
Girl: I have no idea.
Mr. Reilly: Correct!
Quote #19Score: 6 + / -
(I'm at the printer printing out a 100+ page book)
Chris: Mr Black! He's printing a book! I need to print out my homework.
Mr Black: Let him finish.
Chris: It's not even for school!
Mr Black: That's it, go to the second floor office!
yatpay: Haha. *continues printing*
Quote #18Score: 2 + / -
Chris: *Passes in programming homework*
Mr. Black: OK, go sit over there. (the place where he sends kids who he thinks are being bad.)
Chris: What!? What'd I do?
Mr. Black: No backtalk, just go.
Chris: *while walking* I didn't even do anything!
Mr. Black: Do you want to go to the second floor office?
Mr. Black: Then go!
Quote #17Score: 2 + / -
Mr. Webb: OK, we're going to be studying drugs now.
Student: But...we did this last quarter.
Mr. Webb: Then it should be easy!
Quote #11Score: 1 + / -
Mr. Reilly: People with bad handwriting sometimes have trouble with this... People with good handwriting have a lot of trouble with this... So it's not related to handwriting.
Quote #10Score: 3 + / -
Mr. Reilly: That would be an ether. They don't really do anything.....except exploooode.
Quote #9Score: 4 + / -
Mr. Reilly: Put the tetris away or I will crush it!
Quote #7Score: 9 + / -
Mr. Reilly: This is called a digital readout... its not really called that, I just call it that because I like the sound of it. Its actually called something stupid.
Quote #6Score: 9 + / -
Dan G: Can I throw a snowball at you?
Mr. Reilly: No... it's against school regulations. Plus, I'll crush your head.
Quote #2Score: 10 + / -
(Wacko is playing chess with himself)
Wacko: Aww, now black is just toying with me.
Quote #1Score: 10 + / -
(New Years 2002-2003)
yatpay: So Wacko, what's your new years resolutions?
Wacko: *thinks* To not talk all year. Aww, I already broke it.